she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
