They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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