I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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