you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
