saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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