Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
