Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
