i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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