if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
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