Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
