so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
