I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I think I just shit out all my problems.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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