I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
