there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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