evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
