he wants to bone in the snuggie
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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