wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Blood and glitter go together right?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
