were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I AM VODKA MAN
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
