Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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