Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he shaved USA in his pubs
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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