We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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