It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
