Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
