I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize