The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
