people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
