I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
