is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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