Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
