Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
