I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
