So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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