And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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