i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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