TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
