You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
