I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You are a genius and a whore.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize