people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
