i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
