the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
