i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
