Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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