New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
