This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
