Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
