I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
