Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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