It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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