im having a threesome with these popsicles
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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