I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
