dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
