you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Randomize
