gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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