you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Randomize
