Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
