Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
its liver damage thursday
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