she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
