dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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