I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
