I feel like I'm in dance class right now
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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