I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize