i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
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