no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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