Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
