he puts the penis in happiness.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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