We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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