So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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