I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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