we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My penis needs a shock collar
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
