Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize