why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
