I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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