I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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