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Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just had sex on a roof
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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