also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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