Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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