we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
