Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
