Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
