I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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