yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
