yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize