Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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