i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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